I read somewhere that Netflix was supposed to add the second half of season five of Breaking Bad by the end of November. That didn’t happen. Here’s a list of the things I would do to get my final eight episodes of Walter White and the Blue Meth I Crave:
1) Dangle a quarter in front of a homeless man on a fishing rod, and tug it away when he reaches for it.
2) Listen to Miley Cyrus.
3) Read every book in the Twilight series and watch all the movies (Will this cause me to develop a menstrual cycle?).
4) Write a blog post about how much I love the Dallas Cowboys.
5) I won’t eat for a month, except for croissants, because they’re delicious, and I don’t think I’m willing to die for meth. I’d be willing to die because of meth…
6) Make out with a guy, in Texas, wearing nothing but fishnet stockings and a cup, because nobody wants to see my junk.
7) Acknowledge that Miley Cyrus is a talented young lady.
8) Drink one gallon of my own urine.
9) I won’t drink alcohol for an entire month, except for bourbon, because if I have to stay dry for a month and still not have Breaking Bad, I better be very drunk.
10) Wait patiently, like I have cancer, cook meth, and I’m waiting for my series finale to die (It’s just a prediction.).
Netflix, please, go ahead and choose what I have to do to earn the rest of Breaking Bad. Hell, I’ll do everything on the list if you want me to. Please, just stop this nonsense, and do what’s right. Give me my meth, and let me procrastinate from my finals in the right way.