Potty Time

You could sit and read a book. The newspaper. Do a crossword puzzle. You know, get a little culture. Work the brain a bit. You could even think. Yes, just sit and think. Talk to yourself. Explore yourself. Your soul. What is the soul? What is your soul? Is the soul a what or a who? Instead you play games on your phone, listen to music, or watch videos. So many videos. Or maybe you just sit there, but you think about nothing. Or only the things that stress you out. Just you, a porcelain perch, and a growing pile of shit. Potty Time: when you choose how to let your time go to waste.

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Seduction Time

When a man spies a beautiful woman his world morphs into a form of heaven with blinders. There stands the goddess atop her cloud and with a golden spotlight enshrining her as a beacon of hope. Perhaps he can have her. Is she single? If she’s single and he gets to know her, maybe he can have her. The motivation is sex. Maybe not sex, but a desire to be with her. Physical. Not to be friends with her. Emotional. If he really met her, as in got to know her and listened to her, he would realize that just because she’s pretty and has lots of friends does not mean that she does not feel alone, and that she feels alone because like every stupid guy she meets eventually wants something more than to be friends. She cannot find one male who she can just be friends with. She thought that could change with him, but why does it have to be him who she finally decides that things can be different with? Seduction Time: deciding that friendship isn’t worth your time because your pants can’t stop reaching for the clouds.

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Football Time

Men learn to love by watching football. While they share beer, food, and chest bumps, their favorite athletes sprint, grab, and yell at their teammates to tackle. Make the damn tackle! Hug that man to the ground! Hug? Hugs don’t exist in football. Do they? The embrace is an accident. A mere attempt to pull another man to the Earth in order to win a game. To earn a paycheck. To have someone to hold. No, you do not play football to have someone to hold. But is that why you watch football? Football Time: for the times when you’re too man to admit that you want to watch a romantic comedy.

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Water Time

This is not to say that water tastes bad, but water does not taste good. Nothing. Water has no taste. Yet, when thirst strikes, water satisfies. Nothing satisfies. The satisfaction you need with the flavor that would let you down every time if only it could let you down every time, because you can’t blame something on nothing. Can you? No pleasure but also no displeasure. Hydration, but only for hydration’s sake. Water Time: a productive way to spend time doing nothing.

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